Sharing our thoughts and feelings with others can be a daunting task. It requires us to be vulnerable, open, and honest. As someone who has struggled with expressing myself, I understand how challenging it can be to share what's going on inside your head. However, I've also learned that sharing our thoughts and feelings is crucial for our emotional wellbeing and the health of our relationships.
Here's an example scenario: Imagine you've had a rough day at work, and all you want to do is vent to your partner. However, as soon as you start talking, you notice that they're distracted, scrolling through their phone. You feel frustrated and unheard, and the conversation ends with you feeling worse than before. This is a common situation that many of us have experienced, but it doesn't have to be this way. Learning how to share your thoughts and feelings effectively can improve communication, deepen your relationships, and help you feel understood.
Here are some ways to share your thoughts and feelings:
Start with "I" statements: Begin your sentences with "I feel" or "I think." This approach takes responsibility for your feelings and avoids putting the other person on the defensive.
Practice active listening: When someone is sharing their thoughts or feelings with you, give them your full attention. Make eye contact, nod your head, and ask questions to show that you're engaged and interested in what they have to say.
Use "because" statements: When you need to express a difficult emotion or opinion, explain why you feel that way. For example, "I'm upset because I feel like my needs aren't being heard."
Be specific: When you're sharing your thoughts and feelings, try to be as specific as possible. Instead of saying "I'm mad," explain why you're angry and what triggered that emotion.
Take breaks: If you feel overwhelmed or emotional while sharing, it's okay to take a break. Go for a walk, take a few deep breaths, or do something calming to help you collect your thoughts.
I've personally found that these techniques have been helpful. When I started using "I" statements, it was easier for me to express myself without feeling like I was attacking someone else. Practicing active listening helped me be more present in conversations and build stronger connections with the people around me. Being specific and using "because" statements helped me communicate my needs more effectively and feel more heard.
Sharing our thoughts and feelings can be scary, but it's worth it. When we communicate effectively, we can build deeper connections with others, resolve conflicts, and improve our emotional wellbeing. Remember, it's okay to take your time, be specific, and use "I" statements. With practice, sharing your thoughts and feelings can become a natural and empowering part of your everyday life.
It's also important to do regular check-ins with your partner/friends. Doing it in a guided way like playing the Case of Feelings card game is a great way to do so without the pressure of initiating hard conversations. Expect questions that touch on your shared memories, expectations and future goals.
Card games are a great way to spend quality time with friends and family, but what if you're stuck with just one other person? Fear not, there are plenty of fantastic card games that are perfect for two players. In this blog post, we'll explore some of the best card games for two people.
There are many reasons why you might find yourself looking for a two-player card game. Maybe you're on a long car journey or waiting for a table at a restaurant, or perhaps you just want to spend some quality time with a friend or family member. Whatever the reason, a two-player card game is a perfect way to pass the time and have some fun.
Gin Rummy
One great option for a two-player card game is Gin Rummy. This classic game is easy to learn but can provide hours of entertainment. The goal of the game is to make sets and runs of cards in your hand, with the ultimate aim of having the fewest points at the end of the game. The game is fast-paced and requires a lot of strategy, making it perfect for two people who want to challenge each other. There's even an online version which you can try out first.
Spades
Another great option is Spades. This trick-taking game is similar to Hearts, but with a few key differences. Players must work together to win tricks and avoid taking too many points, but there are plenty of opportunities for strategic play and outwitting your opponent.
Case of Feelings
For those looking for a more emotional experience, Case of Feelings is an excellent choice. This card game is all about exploring emotions and building empathy, making it perfect for two people who want to connect on a deeper level. The game includes a variety of emotions and scenarios, with players taking turns to ask and answer questions based on the cards in their hand. The game is designed to promote understanding and emotional intelligence, making it a great choice for couples, friends, or family members who want to deepen their relationships.
In conclusion, there are many fantastic card games for two people, from classic games like Gin Rummy and Spades to more emotional options like Case of Feelings. No matter what your mood or interests, there's sure to be a card game that's perfect for you and your playing partner. So why not give one of these great games a try today and see where the cards take you?
]]>Card games, board games, these traditional games can be played online too
Zoom has fast become our best friend for connecting with our coworkers or friends virtually, in the time of a pandemic-striken world. (Or endemic, hopefully.) What were once group hangouts at outdoor activities like karaoke, bowling, hikes etc, have turned into remote calls over video chat options like Zoom, Skype and Google Meets.
There's no saying that these virtual calls can't be as fun, or even more fun than outdoor activities though. Especially for the homebodies out there! Need some inspiration on what are some of the games you can play online? We've got you covered.
Here's a list of a whole range of card games, board games, party games, and digital games that you can play over Zoom at your next bonding session:
1. Case of Feelings - Friends Edition
This card game contains 100+ question and activity cards that can help you get to know your coworkers or friends better, even if you 'think' you already know them well. Get the person who has the cards to read the questions out loud over your Zoom call, and take turns to answer it. Action cards can be pre-assigned Zoom emojis which anyone can choose to display to perform that action.
You can find the link to purchase here.
2. Gartic
The gist of the game is to draw, guess, and win. You can choose to create a private room for your coworkers or friends to join. Players take turns to draw a picture based on the two choices offered to them, and the other players have to guess the word that they are drawing. Fastest fingers get more points!
You can find the link to play here.
3. Undercover
The game has 3 characters - citizens, The Undercover, and Mr White. Citizens are given a word, The Undercover is given a similar word, and Mr White is given no word. Players have to go 1 round to describe the given word, and at the end of each round, try to pinpoint who is The Undercover or Mr White. This is a game of wit that's gonna leave everyone second-guessing each other.
You can find the link to play here.
4. Catan Online
Colonist.io is a online replica of the popular resource trading board game Catan. It even features a online chatbot where you can communicate with the other players in-game. With both public and private rooms, you can be sure to have a wacky night trying to be the first to reach 10 victory points.
You can play the game here.
5. Taboo
Divide your Zoom party into two teams, take turns sharing screens, and pinpoint someone to give hints in each round. This person has to avoid the taboo words in the list while trying to describe the given word. Try your best to get your point across without saying the taboo words!
You can play the game here.
6. Kahoot
While some preparatory work has to be done beforehand to set up the quiz, this game uses a combination of speed and knowledge to pit participants against one another in a quiz format. Get the highest score to rank on the leaderboard!
You can check it out here.
7. Gather Town
Recreate the real life experience by creating your very own virtual landscape with different 'rooms' in one town. You can set up a amazing race of sorts, but all done virtually of course. The cute avatars are an upside too.
You can check it out here.
8. Codenames
Designed for small teams of 4-8 players, two teams compete by having a 'spymaster' give clues that point to certain words on the board. Teams have to try to guess their team's words, while avoiding the other team's words.
You can play it online here.
9. Trial by Trolley
A game of dark humour and moral dilemma that got famous on Kickstarter, raising over 3 million dollars in crowdfunding. There's now an online version!
You can play it here.
10. GeoGuessr
You're placed somewhere on Google Maps and you have to figure out where you are. Bonus: helps to improve everyone's geographical skills!
You can play it here.
Happy playing!
]]>Past: When we're too focused on our past, we tend to overly reminisce the good times we had or be overly pessimistic over our painful memories. This has overlaps on the present day us, affecting our ability to focus on the present day.
Present: Similarly, being too focused on the present leads to a constant crave for instant gratification, wanting to see results from the get go.
Here's a matrix table to summarise it:
So what should be the most effective way to spend our time?
Well, here's our take on it:
We placed majority of the time emphasis on the present day time allocation as it's the only one that we can actually take control of right now, and affects the future us too.
5% past: What we can take value from the past is the reflective part of it - are there any lessons we can apply to future scenarios? Was there a treasured friendship or relationship moment that you would look back fondly upon in the future? And again, while it's good to reflect on these, the past is the past after all, so we would allocate the least time of our day to dwell upon it.
15% future: What can make life better for the future you? We would take time to plan ahead and visualise the goals that we want to manifest.
80% present: The majority of our time should be spent executing our plans and living in the moment. What we do now has a spillover effect to our future and it's important to spend this time wisely! Essential things like working, interacting with loved ones, eating; and recreational hobbies like reading or travelling are how we can balance this time accordingly.
Of course, it's hard to quantify our lives, and these are just some general guidelines we abide by. Plan our own time according to your priorities and goals.
A simple quote I've kept in mind for the past few years. What's gone is gone, we can't predict the future, make the present count.
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(dedicated to a loved one of mine.)
As I grow older and take on more responsibilities, both in work and personal life, I find myself facing more and more stressful situations that I sometimes have no control over.
And that’s where the feeling of anxiety comes in.
Anxiety to me feels like a dreaded feeling that can’t quite seem to go away unless the worry at hand is resolved or relieved.
I can busy myself with things, but it comes in the occasional pockets of time where my mind finds itself drifting back to the worry subconsciously.
Sometimes, it can even affect my physical self, in ways such as finding it hard to concentrate on tasks or difficulty sleeping.
It’s annoying for sure, but I’ve found ways that help to reduce such feelings on my own:
Instead of avoiding, face the worry I have head on. How can I solve or make the situation better? Don’t think about the what-ifs, know that ups and downs are part and parcel of life and this is only temporary in the grand scheme of things.
This is related to the previous point - by focusing on things I can change rather than things that are beyond my control, I feel more hopeful and empowered to change my situation for the better.
Deep breathing is a practice that allows more air to flow into the body and helps to calm my nerves down. It doesn't provide instant relief, but it helps to reduce stress and anxiety in a short amount of time.
Honestly for me, it's hard to take the first step to pour out my worries to someone, but I've always felt so much more relieved after doing so and hearing their advice / reassurance. Of course, finding the right person to rant to is key as well!
Doing something that I know will make me feel better helps a lot in uplifting my mood and feeling optimistic. Things like playing with my dog, taking a walk, watching a comedy are just some ways I destress!
These are just some ways that work for me, but you might have your own too! Would love to hear any other tips you guys have.
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Imagine the following situation: Your partner does something that you've told him/her repeatedly not to, but you choose not to vocalise your feelings.
Emotional suppression simply means hiding and not expressing your true emotions, even though you might want to. These emotions are often on the negative end of the spectrum, such as anger, jealousy, sadness, guilt etc.
You might find yourself ignoring your innermost feelings, believing it as a temporary phenomenon which will go away if you continue to suppress it, and even 'denying' it.
There are a multitude of reasons why you might possibly feel the need to hide your true emotions, but the most common reason is to protect your relationships with others at the expense of how you really feel.
On the other hand, controlling your emotions means to fully acknowledge how you feel internally but choosing how you want to express yourself externally through your behaviour.
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To put things into context with the above scenario:
Controlling: You feel annoyed, but choose not to vocalise your feelings because it's been a long day and you don't want to get into a fight with your partner right now. That doesn't mean you're ignoring how you feel, you might bring it up with him/her the during the weekend when you both have more time and headspace for a h2h talk.
Suppressing: You are so jaded from the repeated behaviour from your partner, you ignore your own feelings and busy yourself with other things. You believe that there's no use telling him/her again since they will forget anyway.
"Bottling emotions can decrease outward expressions of feelings but does not change the inner state of a person. Effectively, suppression does not make the feelings go away; they stay inside you, buried deeper, causing more pain." - Forbes India
When you constantly put aside your innermost feelings instead of internalising them, it becomes an unhealthy habit of ignoring these feelings when similar scenarios keep happening. You might even turn to unhealthy coping methods such as smoking or alcohol to 'forget' these emotions.
Hence, it's very important to acknowledge how you're feeling and manage your emotions instead of letting them control you.
1. Identify all the emotions you're feeling
There might be a mix of emotions that you feel - usually the one that's focused on you and the one that's focused on the external party. For example, anger and guiltiness. Your partner made you angry but you're guilty of feeling the way you feel constantly.
Identify and internalise these feelings first, then choose your method of expression.
2. Know that you are allowed to feel what you want to feel.
This was a line that I observed from a reality TV program that I watch, where the mum said this exact line to her daughter when she was crying because she missed her dad.
Oftentimes we might feel guilty of feeling a certain way, or not wanting to show our 'weak' side to others. But there's a reason why you are feeling the way you're feeling, and it's important to acknowledge it yourself internally.
3. Look forward, not backwards
After you have recognised your emotions, focus on the solution ahead. Will expressing it be better in the long run, or make things worse? Is there another better time to express it or do you have to do it now?
- Journaling
- Painting
- Talking to a friend
- Meditating
- Exercising
These are some examples of other ways you can let out your feelings indirectly.
Managing your emotions is tough - and there may be instances where it might get the best of you. But with time and conscious effort spent on controlling your emotions, you get mentally stronger over time and are able to make the best decision in every difficult situation you face in the future.
]]>In this article, we list out 6 online games that you can play with your friends to stay connected through the distance.
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Number of players: 2 - 5
An online version of Monopoly Deal, covid edition.
Number of players: 4
If you've played the board game Catan, you should be familiar with this game. Colonist.io is the online version coupled with chat rooms for virtual communication.
Number of players: 2 - 6
The beauty in this game is its simplicity. Host a Zoom call with your friends, have one person show the question cards on the screen, and bam!
Number of players: unlimited
Players take turns to draw a given word while the others try to guess what's the word. You don't need good drawing skills for this one, it adds on to the fun!
A personal favourite of mine - Brawl Stars has different maps, modes, and characters that you can play together with your friends in real time. Since it's mostly a team game, you better be performing up to standard!
Number of players: 2
Navigate to the free online version to try their online escape room with your friend! This is a 2 player game to see who solves the puzzles fastest in order to escape first.
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Let us know whether you've tried any of these games and your experiences with them!
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Over the years, I've come to realise that out of all the 'friends' I've made over the course of my life, those that I can truly consider as my 'close' friends can be counted on one hand.
That's not really a bad thing, but what's striking to me is the realisation that we make less and less friends as we grow older, which makes it all the more important to cherish the ones we form in our younger years.
It's hard to pinpoint an exact definition for this, especially with the vastly different social and cultural stimuli that we are exposed to; but I found this explanation to be the most fitting:
"The term 'close friend' can be understood as somebody who you can talk to about everything, who makes you feel comfortable without fear of judgement." - Source
Simple as it sounds, finding someone that you can feel that level of comfort with takes a certain mix of vulnerability, trust, and commitment from both parties. And whether that connection can sustain through your different life stages - work, starting families, different countries etc - that's the true test of friendship.
To a certain extent, yes. The initial gravitation towards one another shouldn't be forced. However, the fact is - like relationships, strong friendships take consistent effort to maintain.
I know people in their late 40s/50s who were so caught up with their other priorities in life that they now have zero people they can call close friends. And the irony is that they have more free time, yet no one to share their recreational time with, apart from their partners. That may be fine with some, but personally not for me.
Point is, taking small steps to connect with your friends everyday can prevent such a scenario from happening when you are older. It doesn't have to be your main priority, but being consciously aware of your actions is definitely important to maintain the friendship in the long run.
Dr. Amir Levine, a psychiatrist and neuroscientist, has pinpointed 5 fundamental qualities through his research that are key to building strong relationships. CARRP for short:
- Consistency: Are you always there for them when they need you?
- Availability: Do you make time for them?
- Reliability: Can they count on you for something?
- Responsiveness: Do you reply them on time or initiate conversations?
- Predictability: Do your friends always have to wonder if you are still 'you'?
Once these 5 elements are present, it creates a safe and secure environment for both parties to be vulnerable and form a deeper connection in other ways.
In fact, even if you don't have all the CARRP qualities in you, having a friend like that can help you feel more secure and safe to reciprocate these qualities.
“It’s like having a relationship coach built into the relationship,” (or friendship in this case) Levine said. “They’re so good at it, they walk you through a lot of potential pitfalls and teach you to become more secure.”
2. Connect on a deeper level
Have you ever felt so much more closer to someone after they've shared a deeply personal story with you? The same logic applies when forging close friendships - there has to be some deeper conversations beyond having surface level talk in order to truly connect with each other.
This process involves trust and vulnerability, which is why having a strong CARRP foundation is key to building a safe environment for such conversations to even happen.
Here are 10 questions you can ask, from our honest card game series - 'For Friends':
Find out more about the game here.
3. Remember to check-in on each other
There are certain nuances you can pick up to tell if your friend is feeling down about something - being quiet, unmotivated, sleeping more than usual, posting or reposting negative stuff on social media etc. Essentially, if they feel 'off' from their usual selves.
Take notice of such instances and offer support to them. They may or may not open up to you with their worries, but reassure them that you will be there if they need you.
Be present for one another not just in times of happiness, but even more so during the other spectrum of emotions.
4. Agree to disagree
We've all had moments where we disagree with a certain behaviour or ideology of our friends. Within my friend circle for example, we have different opinions on local politics; but we accept each other's opinions while respectfully giving our own point of views.
Don't take disagreements personal (if they aren't), and try to put yourself in their shoes as well, to see why they think or act in a certain way.
Of course, that is not to say that all behaviours can be justified and ignored. If your friend is participating excessively in vices like alcohol, smoking etc, you should definitely step in to help them.
5. Make goals together and work towards it
People often set personal goals, but hardly 'shared' goals with friends. Having a shared goal together helps to build on the camaraderie and kinship with the knowledge that there is someone with you on your journey towards your goal.
For example, you could set a fitness goal with your friend: to hit both of your ideal physiques by the end of next year. With this shared goal in mind, it can pave the way for more activities and conversation points with each other, further strengthening the quality of the friendship.
Some other examples of shared goals:
- Saving $100,000 by the age of 30
- Turning side hobbies into businesses
- Getting promoted by the year end
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And that's it! Now that you've learnt some ways to become a better friend, the next step is really to apply this knowledge in your own friendships. I hope that this article has been useful for you; here's to being a better friend.
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